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NOIRVEMBER: Looking Into the Void in ‘True Detective’

'True Detective' (Photo Credit: James Bridges / HBO)

There is a void at the center of all things, an unknowable hole into which we are all slowly spiraling, sometimes at such a glacial pace we hardly realize it’s happening. A great noir film depicts a character (or characters) attempting to know the void or stop their descent into its grasp. They always fail. The void always wins.

It’s the tenet of the genre that rings the most chilling. Noir often attacks real-life institutions like government, big business, and religious bodies in ways that create a resonance and often stem from dirty truths we’d rather ignore. Nobody likes to feel like a pawn. Noir often asserts that that’s exactly what most of us are.

It’s a set of themes and narrative devices that lends itself just as well to horror as it does noir, though the two genres cross paths more seldom than one may expect. When they do though, and when that marriage is done well, it makes for storytelling that will chill you to the bone. There are few greater examples of how powerful a fusion this can be than the first season of the HBO show True Detective.

You probably know the story by now, given the lasting legacy of the show. Under showrunner Nic Pizzolatto, actors Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson play detectives Rust Cohle and Marty Hart, two prickly cops in the bayou of New Orleans investigating a string of murders over the course of a decade. In writing the series, Pizzolato drew just as heavily from noir and crime fiction as he did Lovecraftian horror, metatextual comic books, and Robert W. Chambers’ short story collection The King in Yellow. The result made for must-watch TV when it premiered back in 2014 and while season two (bad) and three (good) have left legacies of their own, it’s that first eight-episode story that has gone down as some of the most iconic television of the decade, opening the doors for leading men and women of film to try their hand at starring in television.

Photo Credit: HBO

Its genius, though, comes in Pizzolatto being one of the first filmmakers to (successfully, and on a large scale) recognize the parallels between noir and Lovecraftian horror and find a way to have them function in tandem. Much like noir, Lovecraftian horror (a veritable subgenre pioneered by acclaimed author and shitbrained racist H.P. Lovecraft and refined or perfected by everyone from John Carpenter to Junji Ito) operates on the fear of the unknown. It often concerns characters stumbling upon the pitch-black secrets behind the layer of reality that we live in and fundamentally breaking under the weight of those revelations.

The evils at the heart of Lovecraftian horror may function under the aesthetics of Elder Gods, tentacled psychic monsters, and gateways to other dimensions, but the message is ultimately the same as that of noir: there is something horrible out there controlling us and to glimpse it will mean the end of you. You do not want the answers you seek.

Photo Credit: HBO

Now, let’s be clear: True Detective is not a horror-noir. It does not actually feature Cthulu rising from the swamps of Louisiana, though it certainly seemed like it might end up there in the weeks leading to the series finale. Saying it doesn’t contain staples of the horror genre wouldn’t be accurate, but it avoids the full-on genre fusion of something like Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips’ Image Comics series Fatale, which is about as literal a horror-noir as you’re likely to find.

No, what stands out about True Detective’s take on horror and noir operating in the same space is that it doesn’t so much inject elements of horror into a noir story as it does depict many of its most noir elements through the lens of horror. The killer Marty and Rust are hunting is depicted, at least through the drawings of one of his victims, as a tentacle-faced monstrosity. The network of powerful men behind the disappearances and murders they’re investigating invoke cultlike imagery.

Photo Credit: Lacey Terrell / HBO

Suspects, witnesses, and victims they encounter along the way speak of the mysterious land of “Carcosa” and the “King in Yellow,” the puppeteer pulling all of the strings attached to the case. These are explicit references to horror elements of the aforementioned Chambers stories and seem to imply that there’s something legitimately otherworldly behind this case.

There isn’t (spoiler alert for a five-year-old television series). The King in Yellow is a deranged murderer, but ultimately human, nothing more, nothing less. Carcosa is a labyrinth of tunnels and trees on his property, containing alters and bones. He’s certainly behind the ritualistic murders, but those rituals are simply set dressing for the true terror: the havoc he’s wreaked on innocent women and children for decades and the extent to which he was protected by the forces that should have taken him down. The shadowy cabal of church and government officials who seem to be involved? They’re not a cult worshipping at the feet of Elder Gods. They’re just powerful men doing what they so often do: abusing that power.

Isn’t that scarier, though? Tentacled gods and the cults that worship them are only so scary. We know they aren’t real. The beauty of what Pizzolatto did with that first season of True Detective is that he depicted everyday horror as not being of this world, as the void at the center of all things, beyond comprehension. What Marty and Rust see in dim Carcosa is not something humans are meant to lay eyes on. That they escape with their lives is but a stroke of luck, and they do so without defeating the grander evil at play. It’s horror. It’s noir. It’s perfect.

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‘The Mandalorian’ Season 1 Episode 4 Recap: The Magnificent Two

Pedro Pascal, Gina Carano in 'The Mandalorian' (Photo Credit: Lucasfilm / Disney)

The most exciting thing to me about a Star Wars TV show is the chance to explore societies that don’t get depicted in the movies. The movies deal with the big political figures and the battles that determine the fate of the galaxy. We don’t often get to see how people on the ground live. The people who are just trying to go about their day. The movies occasionally show us glimpses, but never for long.

That’s why I like the casino detour in Star Wars: The Last Jedi so much. And the Tatooine scenes of Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope. Hell, I even like the deathsticks scene in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones because at least it shows a little of what it’s like to live in Coruscant.

The Mandalorian hasn’t shown us too much of that. We’ve seen how bounty hunters work, but as far as regular folks go, it’s been Jawas and a moisture farmer. Things we’ve seen before. This week’s episode gave us a new planet and opened on a society totally unfamiliar to us. We see a remote village where people catch neon blue fish in buckets. Kids try to catch frog-looking things and everything’s peaceful. Then the bandits attack. The town is defenseless, and is quickly overrun by the… space orcs? That’s what they look like to me, anyway.

Pedro Pascal as The Mandalorian (Photo Credit: Lucasfilm / Disney)

Wouldn’t you know it, The Mandalorian is on the run and looking for a remote place to hide. He’s found just the planet, too. It’s fun watching him interact with the locals who’ve never met anyone like him before. Whatever money he has, it’s more than most people here have seen before. His gruff nature coming up against the friendly country folk gives the episode some humor before it gets to the real action later on.

Of course, he finds someone eyeing him suspiciously from the other side of the bar. He tracks her down and the two have a brief, fun fight before realizing they aren’t actually out to get each other. She was a mercenary who grew dissatisfied with her peacekeeping duties after the fall of the Empire. She left it all behind and thought the Mandalorian was after her head. She tells him there’s only room on this planet for one of them, and he agrees to head off.

Before he makes it off the planet though, his presence in town caught the attention of two fishermen from the opening. They want to hire him to protect them from the bandits. They don’t have much money, but the promise of a safe, remote place for him and The Child to hide out makes him take the job. This is a classic Western (or Samurai, depending on your preference) story. It’s Seven Samurai, or Magnificent Seven shrunk down to 41 minutes and given a Star Wars coat of paint. That’s not a criticism, it’s just what this episode is doing. And it’s doing it very well. There’s a reason this story keeps getting retold and remade. It’s a good one. Seeing it play out in the Star Wars universe like this is such a fun twist on it.

Gina Carano as Cara Dune. (Photo Credit: Lucasfilm / Disney)

The Mandalorian enlists Cara, thinking she probably needs a place to hide out too. She accepts, and the two set up shop in the fishing village. The episode starts building something of a love story between The Mandalorian and a young widow. From the moment he arrives in town she’s clearly way into him. Her first question is when was the last time he took his armor off in front of anyone else. Damn, I know there aren’t a ton of options in this town, but that is some thirst. The love story is really goofy.

I don’t believe these two together for a second and it springs up so suddenly, it feels more like an awkward comedy than anything else. It does serve a purpose though, and as the episode backs off her trying to get with him, that purpose becomes clear. It shows us, and The Mandalorian, the life he could have. He could just take off his helmet, raise the kid himself and have a small, idyllic life in this fishing village. By the end of the episode, he even starts to consider it. It’s not gonna happen, though.

He and Cara patrol the woods surrounding the village to figure out just what they’re dealing with. They come across an AT-ST footprint. They didn’t sign up for any imperial entanglements, they’re out of here. The townspeople beg them to stay, and ever the big metal softy, The Mandalorian offers to teach them to fight. You like training montages? Stupid question, who doesn’t love training montages? They’re the best part of every movie. I will say this one is a decent one, between The Mandalorian teaching the townsfolk how to shoot and Cara teaching them the proper way to hit someone with a pointy stick. It’s harder than it sounds.

Photo Credit: Lucasfilm / Disney Plus

What I really liked about this episode was that it finally made the AT-ST’s scary. They were little more than fodder in Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back. They’re the second enemies you fight in Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire. They’re defeated by Ewoks with logs in Star Wars: Return of the Jedi.

They’ve never been shown to be a real threat until now. There’s only one this time, and it’s the scariest weapon the bandits have. Not even The Mandalorian’s blaster can penetrate its armor. On this show, it’s the feared weapon of a merciless empire that it should be. They build a trap for it, but it stops just short. Like its pilots know something’s up. It takes Cara taking swimming underneath it and taking potshots at its eyes before it falls into the hole they dug for it. It’s an exciting battle scene because you don’t normally see a ground fight on this small a scale in Star Wars. It makes the stakes more personal, and we’re more invested in who lives and dies as a result.

Maybe The Mandalorian playing around with classic Western tropes in the Star Wars universe will get old someday. I don’t see that day coming anytime soon. The show’s strength lies in that it’s main character is forced to keep traveling. There’s always a new situation for him to run into. Last week it was a moral dilemma. This week, it’s Seven Samurai. Next week, who knows? It’s exciting not knowing where the adventure will take us next. The Mandalorian briefly considers leaving The Child to grow up in this town, but then a bounty hunter attacks. Cara blasts it to a steaming pulp before it can hurt anyone, but the damage is done. It had a tracking fob. There will be more. The Mandalorian and The Child have to move on. Just like any good cowboy.

The Mandalorian streams Fridays on Disney Plus.

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Black Friday 2019: Amazon’s Best Gaming, Tech, and Smart Home Deals

Save big on console sets, robot vacuums, and more gadgets during Amazon's Black Friday extravaganza. (Photo Credit: Amazon)

Black Friday is here and if you’re all about scoring sweet deals without going to a store, Amazon is offering major discounts on gaming laptops, streaming media players, headphones, and other must-have electronics for the shopping holiday.

Before we dive into Amazon’s Black Friday promotions, it’s important to note that the e-tailer will be offering lightning deals and other multi-day deals all weekend long. Whether you decide to buy all the gadgets on your holiday list today or Cyber Monday, Amazon does not disappoint when it comes to major sales.

Below are Amazons’ top gaming, tech, and smart home deals for Black Friday 2019. We will be updating this page throughout the day, but if you need a quick rundown on when all the Black Friday sales start, check out this guide and read up on the weirdest Black Friday steals here.

Gaming Deals

Acer Predator Helios 300 Gaming Laptop PC (Notebook Only) for $928.99 (Save $271) 

Nintendo Joy-Con (L/R) – Neon Red/Neon Blue for $59.99 (Save $20)

Tech Deals

Apple AirPods with Charging Case for $139.99 (Save $20)

Klipsch Synergy Black Label F-300 Floorstanding Speaker for $299.99 (Save $200)

Black Samsung Galaxy Watch Active 2 (40mm) for $229 (Save $50)

Apple iPad Air 10.5″ 64GB WiFi Tablet for $469 (Save $30)

Dark Brown Ecovacs Deebot N79S WiFi Smart Robot Vacuum for $149.99 (Save $30)

Smart Home Deals

Echo Show 10.1″ Smart Display (2nd Gen) with Free Philips Hue Smart Bulb for $149.99 (Save $109.99)

Echo Show 5 Smart Display for $49.99 (Save $ 40)

Ring Alarm 5-Piece Home Security with Free Echo Dot for $ 139 (Save $60)

Echo Buttons Game Companion for $16.99 (Save $3)

Echo Flex Compact Alexa Speaker for $19.99 (Save $5)

65″ Samsung Q60 Series 4K QLED HDTV for $997.99 (Save $800)

For more deals, including all of the latest Black Friday announcements, check out our sister site, BlackFriday.com.

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Black Friday 2019: Top Deals for Gaming, Tech, and Smart Home Gadgets

Retailers are slashing prices on consoles, Alexa-enabled devices, and more electronics for Black Friday 2019. (Photo Credit: Amazon / GameStop)

Black Friday is in full swing and it’s time to take advantage of all those sweet deals on your favorite tech, gaming, and smart home products.

Today, many retailers, including Amazon, Best Buy, GameStop, Target, and Walmart, are slashing prices on many devices. If you’ve been eyeing a new Alexa-enabled device, console, or new laptop, today is the day to take advantage of Black Friday promotions. Of course, you can wait until Cyber Monday, but why not get an early start on all your holiday shopping?

Below are the best gaming, tech, and smart home deals for Black Friday 2019. If you need to find out when all the Black Friday 2019 sales start, visit this page and check out this page for tips and tricks on scoring the best deals for Black Friday.

Gaming Deals

PlayStation 4 Only on PlayStation Bundle 1TB for $199.99 (Save $100)

Xbox One S 1TB All-Digital Edition Console for $149 (Save $100)

Sony DUALSHOCK 4 Red Camo Wireless Controller for $38.99

Tech Deals

Roborock S4 Robot Vacuum for $299.99 (Save $100)

Apple MacBook Air 13.3″ Intel Core i5 Laptop with 128GB SSD (Prev gen) for $649.99 (Save $349)

Acer Aspire 5 Intel i5-8250U Quad 1080p 15.6″ Laptop for $399.99 (Save $130)

Garmin Vívoactive 3, GPS Smartwatch for $131.62 (Save $218.37) 

Smart Home Deals

Lenovo Smart Display 8″ with Google Assistant for $99 (Save $100)

Echo Dot (3rd Gen) Smart Speaker With Alexa for $22 (Save $27.99)

Ring Video Doorbell 2 for $129 (Save $70)

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After ‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi,’ Catch Up on Rian Johnson

After writing and directing Star Wars: The Last Jedi, a film without controversy since it’s inarguably the best Star Wars movie of the past 40 years, Rian Johnson is back with his new film. Knives Out is a star-studded murder mystery that marries the twisty old-fashioned whodunnit genre with very contemporary concerns and characters, perfect for the writer/director’s own classic yet subversive genre film interests. Plus Daniel Craig sounds like Frank Underwood. Knives Out is great, and we recommend seeing it. But in the meantime why not familiarize yourself with the rest of Johnson’ filmography?

It’s surprisingly tough to be a Star Wars director. Sure, no one is as cool as George Lucas, but the franchise has attracted skilled folks like Godzilla’s Gareth Edwards and The Lego Movie’s Lord & Miller. However, whatever individual talent those artists had has been thoroughly chewed up by the Disney machine whether it’s been through extensive reshoots or just firing the directors outright. How dare someone try to bring humor and vision to a… Han Solo spin-off. It’s how we got the point where J.J. Abrams (ugh) taking over Episode IX instead of Colin Trevorrow (double ugh) is actually a victory.

However, the current exception to this rule is no doubt Rian Johnson, writer-director of Star Wars: The Last Jedi and a whole new upcoming Star Wars trilogy. This was the first time since, well, Lucas that the Star Wars #brand has been trusted mostly to a single auteur apparently free from studio meddling. And the result was the single best Star Wars movie in decades, despite what some embarrassing entitled Star Wars fans seem to think.

Rian Johnson made a faith-restoring film that’s as close as we’re going to get to art inside the endless Star Wars product, which can now only be about itself. This movie gets that what’s fundamentally cool about Star Wars is so much bigger than the hyper specific empty nostalgia of “Star Wars.” He balances childlike wonder with populist blockbuster crowd-pleasing with deeply mature meditations on the need to break old cycles all while remembering what made them originally worthwhile.

And that’s just the writing. On a filmmaking level, The Last Jedi is also the most beautiful and visually inventive Star Wars movie in a long time. And the cast members, the sole great thing Abrams brought to the table in The Force Awakens, provide even stronger performances across the board.

So how did something this miraculous manage to happen in the somewhat depressing landscape of modern Star Wars? I’d argue it’s because Rian Johnson, while also being an extremely talented filmmaker, has grown his Hollywood career in a way healthier than most. He steadily moved up from indie movies to smaller studio movies to mid-budget studio moves to now one of the biggest movies on the planet.

Rian Johnson wasn’t plucked off the set of some student film and shoved around to helm a $200 million tentpole just because he was a young and vaguely Spielbergian white dude. It’s a similar path to Ryan Coogler, which is why I have similar hopes Black Panther can resist the machinations of the similarly oppressive Marvel film franchise.

Now that you’ve seen The Last Jedi, and before you see however else Rian Johnson attempts to reshape the Star Wars universe in his own image, why not get caught up with the director’s earlier work? Star Wars fan or not, it’s a good excuse to just watch some great movies.

Brick

A low-budget indie film from 2005, Brick established Johnson as a talent worth paying attention to. It also kicked off his recurring collaborations with Joseph Gordon-Levitt (as well as famous PCMag sibling Noah Segan). This murder mystery in the suburbs California stars high school students. But the plot is treated with the gravity of the hardest hardboiled detective novel, and everyone talks like it’s the 1930s. It’s honestly a bit tough to take in, but the film rewards viewers who can handle its density. Think American Vandal but played straight.

The Brothers Bloom

Now with a budget, Johnson was better able to honor his beloved classic movie genres with caper film The Brothers Bloom. Adrien Brody and Mark Ruffalo play con-man brothers trying to scam an heiress, who then wants in on their scams. Rinko Kikuchi is their mute helper Bang Bang! How great is that! The Brothers Bloom is essentially a Golden Age Hollywood homage movie that still manages to feel modern instead of cloying or twee, which is what makes Johnson such a great fit for Star Wars.

Looper

Johnson’s most successful movie (until The Last Jedi of course), Looper is kind of a James Cameron riff. Specifically, the time-travelling assassin plot and motherhood hang-ups seem very Terminator 2. And yet the film doesn’t feel like a rip-off because it takes its themes, as well as its surprisingly fleshed-out lore, to places more satisfyingly bittersweet and poetic amidst all the action. Plus it has Jeff Daniels in weird future robes, Bruce Willis with an awful wig, Joseph Gordon-Levitt in weird Bruce Willis makeup, and a dude exploding into a blood cloud.

TV

In-between Looper and The Last Jedi Johnson also directed some episodes of television. He’s behind some of the greatest episodes of Breaking Bad, one of the greatest shows ever. “Fly” turned a budget-saving bottle episode into a paranoid claustrophobic microcosm of the entire show. Meanwhile, the epic, harrowing “Ozymandias” is arguably a better series finale than the actual series finale. Johnson also directed an episode of Terriers and while I haven’t seen that show, I’ve heard nothing but great things about it, that it was unjustly cancelled.

Going back and watching these movies again hammered home for me how much Star Wars: The Last Jedi really is a Rian Johnson movie. The reverence for classic filmmaking, the sheer sense of fun action balanced by a more melancholic nostalgia, self-sacrificing masters, and an ultimate theme of a talented young people needing to break away from toxic control loops. It’s all been there from the start, the message developing more over time and becoming clearer through greater understanding of a unifying… force. With The Last Jedi, the Rian Johnson circle is now complete. Hopefully whatever future Star Wars stories Johnson tells, along with making tons of cash, continue his filmography’s artistic winning streak.

Buy Brick

Buy The Brothers Bloom

Buy Looper



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Comcast Reunites E.T., Elliott For the Holidays

Reunited and it feels so good (via Comcast)

In the spirit of the holidays, Comcast has reunited two old friends to hawk its Xfinity cable, internet, and home phone services.

Nearly 40 years after leaving Earth, E.T. is back—and still scaring the poop out of small children.

In a longform commercial that debuted during Thursday’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (on Comcast’s NBC), everyone’s favorite extra-terrestrial returns to visit Elliott.

But the boy (Henry Thomas) has grown into a man (still Henry Thomas), with a family of his own (including two children who look suspiciously like a young Thomas and Drew Barrymore).

“The audience is going to get everything they want out of a sequel without the messy bits that could destroy the beauty of the original and the special place it has in people’s minds and hearts,” Thomas said in a statement provided by Comcast and published by Variety.

E.T.—the film and character—is no stranger to product placement. I still get a craving for Reece’s Pieces every time I see the big-eyed alien. But he’s an unexpected addition to a festive ad. (Especially considering we’re still a few years away from the movie’s ruby anniversary.)

A compressed version of the commercial aired on TV this week; the full, four-minute-long version can be seen online (above).

(via Comcast)

Watch as E.T. catches up on life with Elliott’s family, who show him how to surf the web with Comcast’s Xfinity and use an Xfinity TV remote to conjure up holiday movies.

In return, he takes Elliott 2.0 and his sister on a magical bicycle ride through the sky—one of many throwbacks to the original film.

“Our goal is to show how Xfinity and Sky technology connects family, friends, and loved ones, which is so important during the holidays,” PEter Intermaggio, senior vice president for marketing communications at Comcast Cable, said in a statement reported by Variety.

“The classic friendship between E.T. and Elliott resonates around the world,” he continued. “And their story became a very meaningful way to bring our company’s consumer technology to life.”

Say “E.T. phone home” to access extra-terrestrial content (via Comcast)

Steven Spielberg may not have top billing for this sort-of sequel. But the filmmaker, according to Variety, gave his blessing to Comcast, and was consulted throughout the project.

Keep an eye out for the heartwarming ad, set to run in the US through Jan. 5; Comcast will air Sky-related variants in Germany, Italy, and the UK.

The conglomerate will also feature the original 1982 flick on its SYFY network and across the Xfinity TV platform. Xfinity X1 customers can simply say, “E.T. phone home” into their voice remote to find the movie and unlock more extra-terrestrial content.

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Don’t Try This At Home: Instagrammers Are Sunning Their Naked Butts

(via Charles Deluvio/Unsplash)

It’s the most wonderful time of the year: There’ll be parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting, and butthole tanning out in the sun.

“Perineum sunning,” the latest craze sweeping Instagram influencers’ feeds, encourages folks to strip, lay down, and throw their legs in the air, exposing their bits and bobs to the brightest star.

In all fairness, your perineum—the super-thin area of skin and tissue between the anus and scrotum or vulva—doesn’t often see the light of day.

But by some accounts, less than a minute of direct UV radiation can energize your body to the extreme.

“In a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole, you will receive more energy from this electric node than you would in an entire day being outside with your clothes on,” according to practitioner Ra of Earth.

His Instagram video of three nude men sunning their bums in California captured the Internet’s attention in October, two weeks before taint tanner Metaphysical Meagan shared her own experience.

“This is truly more energizing than slamming cups of coffee,” the self-described “ascension wayshower” and healer wrote in an Instagram caption, accompanying a photo of herself fully naked and pointed ass-first toward the sky.

Among other so-called benefits, Meagan claims the “ancient Taoist practice” strengthens the organs, sustains health and longevity, aids in healthy libido and balanced sexual energy, and can promote better sleep.

“My experience with perineum sunning has been profound,” she said in a recent follow-up post. “I no longer rely on coffee for energy to start my day because I am getting my energy from the sun.”

That’s great. Except, maybe don’t do that.

“It’s actually dangerous,” David Bank, of the Center for Dermatology, Cosmetic, & Laser Surgery in Westchester, NY, told Health.com of butthole bronzing. “This skin is particularly sensitive.”

Over time, UV rays could result in increased risk of skin cancer.

“You can get melanoma on the vulva and sunburns there are very painful,” OB/GYN Jennifer Gunter, author of “The Vagina Bible” and New York Times contributor, tweeted on Thursday.

In response to what I can only imagine is some pretty damning backlash, Metaphysical Meagan shared a “disclaimer” video this week, admitting that she “never claimed that these are backed up by scientific studies—at least not yet.”

“Science can’t ‘prove’ this, so this is an experiential thing,” she said. “I’m sharing my journey. I’m sharing what I practice. And what I intuitively know from the wisdom within me.”

“Just go out there and have an experience,” she urged. “See if it works for you.”

Just don’t forget the sunscreen.

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The Best Food-Themed Horror Movies

These food-themed horror films will keep you entertained on Turkey Day. (Photo Credit: United Artists)

We all know the Thanksgiving tradition is to digest in front of a football game, but why not do something a little different this year? Halloween might be over, but horror season is 365 days a year, especially if you tap into a theme with your programming. Load up your Blu-ray player with these essential scary flicks that have the common thread of involving food, that way before you sink into that tryptophan turkey coma, you’ll plant the seeds for some truly nasty nightmares.

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes

Photo Credit: NAI Entertainment

There’s no way we could do this list without paying homage to the 1978 spoof that might have started it all. John DeBello’s absurd exploitation movie tells the tale of sentient tomatoes that turn homicidal and try to eradicate humanity with all of the weapons they have to offer, which isn’t many. The U.S. government puts together a special strike force to stop the vegetable menace before it goes too far, and the President’s press secretary turns traitor after he discovers that the tomatoes can be controlled by music. If you’re looking for real scares, look elsewhere, but this schlocky cult hit could be the perfect appetizer for a food-themed horror festival.

The Stuff

The Stuff

Photo Credit: New World Pictures

Larry Cohen’s exploitation classic posits a very simple question: what if the food ate you? The titular Stuff is a white fluffy substance found deep beneath the surface of the Earth that is sweet, delicious, and completely calorie-free. It’s not long until a multinational conglomerate starts packing it up and selling it worldwide, unaware that the Stuff is a parasitic organism that converts its hosts into zombies before hollowing out their insides. An industrial saboteur is hired by the ice cream industry to investigate and things go wildly off the rails in this legendary flick.

Motel Hell

Motel Hell

Photo Credit: United Artists

The thing about sausage is that it may be delicious, but you never really know what’s in it. Vincent Smith, the antagonist of 1980’s Motel Hell, is a farmer and motel owner who traps stray humans on his property and then buries them neck-deep in the garden to fatten them up before he smokes them. When Vincent falls in love with a female victim, things start to get awkward real fast around the motel, especially when his dim-witted sheriff brother shows up to throw a spanner in the works. Part serious, part satire, Motel Hell has a weird vibe that hasn’t ever been truly duplicated.

Dead Sushi

Dead Sushi

Photo Credit: Walker Pictures

Killer food isn’t restricted to just Western horror, as Noboru Iguchi’s deeply demented 2012 flick Killer Sushi aptly illustrates. When a pharmaceutical company accidentally devises a serum that transforms fish on rice into homicidal, self-animated murder machines, it kicks off an orgy of delicious violence that escalates madly until the film’s ridiculous climax. Inspired by shlockfests like Piranha 3D, Dead Sushi commits so fully to its absurd concept that it transcends its origins to become a unique and very watchable movie.

The Gingerdead Man

Photo Credit: Full Moon Entertainment / Talos Entertainment

You know a movie is aiming high when it casts Gary Busey as a serial killer named Millard Findlemeyer. After being executed in the electric chair, Findlemeyer’s ashes are mixed with gingerbread spice mix by his witch of a mother and formed into a gingerbread man for the holiday season by an unwitting baker. In classic Child’s Play fashion, the cookie becomes sentient and wants to pick up his evil deeds where he left off, launching a murder spree against bakery employees and anybody else who gets in his way. It’s unbelievable, but this flick spawned multiple sequels, including a crossover with the Evil Bong series.

La Grande Bouffe

Photo Credit: Mara Films

Film scholars might not jump to categorize Marco Ferreri’s 1973 La Grande Bouffe as a straight-up horror movie, but the visceral response that it elicits from viewers is enough for us to put it on our list. The plot involves four old friends who gather at a country home with the intent of eating themselves to death. Each of them is fed up with the world for different reasons, and over the course of a weekend they consume horrific amounts of food as their bodies (and the villa’s sewer system) break down. It’s repugnant, repulsive, and uncompromising, a perfect cap on your Thanksgiving gluttony.

Poultrygeist

Poultrygeist

Photo Credit: Troma Entertainment

You knew the schlock horror merchants at Troma would have to turn up on this list sooner or later, and 2006’s horror musical Poultrygeist is a fine addition to the food horror canon. When a group of strangers gets trapped inside a fast food restaurant that’s been constructed atop an ancient Native American burial ground (how many of those things are there, anyways?) it summons a demonic chicken spirit that proceeds to wreak havoc on all and sundry. Full of lowbrow gags, unconvincing gore, and sleazy sexploitation, this is a late-period Troma movie through and through, so maybe move grandma away from the TV before you put it on.

Cooties

Photo Credit: Lionsgate Premiere

Another flick where toxic poultry provides the fulcrum for blood and gore, 2014’s Cooties starts out by following a chicken at a processing plant on its journey from live bird to elementary school chicken nugget. Unfortunately for the kids chowing down, that bird was carrying one of those viruses that transform you into a flesh-craving maniac. Patient zero is a little girl named Shelley, who briskly starts infecting her classmates on the playground until the school is a frenzied hive of violence and chaos. And that’s just from a single nugget – who knows how many others are floating around out there.

Ice Cream Man

Ice Cream Man

Photo Credit: A-Pix Entertainment Inc. /
Ardustry Home Entertainment LLC

Weird-looking character actor (and less famous brother of Ron) Clint Howard stars as the titular character in this off-key cult classic. Playing Gregory Tudor, who was traumatized by the death of an ice cream man in his youth, Howard returns to his home town after being released from a mental institution to start his own ice cream business – one that uses human flesh in the recipes, for some damn reason. This is a gleefully weird and incoherent movie made watchable by Howard’s singular performance as the homicidal dispenser of frozen treats. He really goes all-in on the part, and we’re sorry that the recent attempt to crowdfund a sequel flopped.

Thankskilling

Photo Credit: Gravitas Ventures / Warner Bros. Pictures

Let’s close out our list with the most holiday-appropriate film in the food horror canon. Jordan Downey’s deeply silly Thankskilling starts with a topless pilgrim being tomahawked to death by a demonic turkey named Turkie that walks the Earth every 500 years to kill every white person it sees. Cut to almost half a century later, as a group of college students are returning home for Thanksgiving break, only to face off with the evil bird after he’s released from imprisonment. Made on a ludicrously tiny budget, this one’s worth watching just for the sheer gusto that the cast and crew bring to the ridiculous proceedings.

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European parliament’s NationBuilder contract under investigation by data regulator

Europe’s lead data regulator has issued its first ever sanction of an EU institution — taking enforcement action against the European parliament over its use of US-based digital campaign company, NationBuilder, to process citizens’ voter data ahead of the spring elections.

NationBuilder is a veteran of the digital campaign space — indeed, we first covered the company back in 2011— which has become nearly ubiquitous for digital campaigns in some markets.

But in recent years European privacy regulators have raised questions over whether all its data processing activities comply with regional data protection rules, responding to growing concern about election integrity and data-fuelled online manipulation.

The European parliament had used NationBuilder as a data processor for a public engagement campaign to promote voting in the spring election, which was run via a website called thistimeimvoting.eu.

The website collected personal data from more than 329,000 people interested in the EU election campaign — data that was processed on behalf of the parliament by NationBuilder.

The European Data Protection Supervisor (EDPS), which started an investigation in February 2019, acting on its own initiative — and “taking into account previous controversy surrounding this company” as its press release puts it — found the parliament had contravened regulations governing how EU institutions can use personal data related to the selection and approval of sub-processors used by NationBuilder.

The sub-processors in question are not named. (We’ve asked for more details.)

The parliament received a second reprimand from the EDPS after it failed to publish a compliant Privacy Policy for the thistimeimvoting website within the deadline set by the EDPS. Although the regulator says it acted in line with its recommendations in the case of both sanctions.

The EDPS also has an ongoing investigation into whether the Parliament’s use of the voter mobilization website, and related processing operations of personal data, were in accordance with rules applicable to EU institutions (as set out in Regulation (EU) 2018/1725).

The enforcement actions had not been made public until a hearing earlier this week — when assistant data protection supervisor, Wojciech Wiewiórowski, mentioned the matter during a Q&A session in front of MEPs.

He referred to the investigation as “one of the most important cases we did this year”, without naming the data processor. “Parliament was not able to create the real auditing actions at the processor,” he told MEPs. “Neither control the way the contract has been done.”

“Fortunately nothing bad happened with the data but we had to make this contract terminated the data being erased,” he added.

When TechCrunch asked the EDPS for more details about this case on Tuesday a spokesperson told us the matter is “still ongoing” and “being finalized” and that it would communicate about it soon.

Today’s press release looks to be the upshot.

Provided canned commentary in the release Wiewiórowski writes:

The EU parliamentary elections came in the wake of a series of electoral controversies, both within the EU Member States and abroad, which centred on the the threat posed by online manipulation. Strong data protection rules are essential for democracy, especially in the digital age. They help to foster trust in our institutions and the democratic process, through promoting the responsible use of personal data and respect for individual rights. With this in mind, starting in February 2019, the EDPS acted proactively and decisively in the interest of all individuals in the EU to ensure that the European Parliament upholds the highest of standards when collecting and using personal data. It has been encouraging to see a good level of cooperation developing between the EDPS and the European Parliament over the course of this investigation.

One question that arises is why no firmer sanction has been issued to the European parliament — beyond a (now public) reprimand, some nine months after the investigation began.

Another question is why the matter was not more transparently communicated to EU citizens.

The EDPS’ PR emphasizes that its actions “are not limited to reprimands”, without explaining why the two enforcements thus far didn’t merit tougher action. (At the time of writing the EDPS had not responded to questions about why no fines have so far been issued.)

There may be more to come, though.

The regulator says it will “continue to check the parliament’s data protection processes” — revealing that the European Parliament has finished informing individuals of a revised intention to retain personal data collected by the thistimeimvoting website until 2024.

“The outcome of these checks could lead to additional findings,” it warns, adding that it intends to finalise the investigation by the end of this year.

Asked about the case, a spokeswoman for the European parliament told us that the thistimeimvoting campaign had been intended to motivate EU citizens to participate in the democratic process, and that it used a mix of digital tools and traditional campaigning techniques in order to try to reach as many potential voters as possible. 

She said NationBuilder had been used as a customer relations management platform to support staying in touch with potential voters — via an offer to interested citizens to sign up to receive information from the parliament about the elections (including events and general info).

Subscribers were also asked about their interests — which allowed the parliament to send personalized information to people who had signed up.

Some of the regulatory concerns around NationBuilder have centered on how it allows campaigns to match data held in their databases (from people who have signed up) with social media data that’s publicly available, such as an unlocked Twitter account or public Facebook profile.

In 2017 in France, after an intervention by the national data watchdog, NationBuilder suspended this data matching tool in the market.

The same feature has attracted attention from the UK’s Information Commissioner — which warned last year that political parties should be providing a privacy notice to individuals whose data is collected from public sources such as social media and matched. Yet aren’t.

“The ICO is concerned about political parties using this functionality without adequate information being provided to the people affected,” the ICO said in the report, while stopping short of ordering a ban on the use of the matching feature.

Its investigation confirmed that up to 200 political parties or campaign groups used NationBuilder during the 2017 UK general election.



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Amazon Injects Emotion Into Alexa’s Cold, Cold Heart

Speechcons (via Amazon)

“Alexa, try that once more, with feeling.”

Developers can now enable Amazon’s digital assistant to respond with a happy/excited or disappointed/empathetic tone.

Gone are the days when Alexa impassively played The Greatest Showman soundtrack for the 88th time or expressed no judgement as you skipped another news story in the daily roundup.

“Emotional responses are particularly relevant to skills in the gaming and sports categories,” Amazon developer Catherine Gao wrote in a blog announcement.

Tuesday’s launch allows programmers to inject two different speaking styles in the US: news and music.

“The news and music speaking styles tailor Alexa’s voice to the respective content being delivered by changing aspects of speech such as intonation, which words are emphasized, and the timing of pauses,” Gao explained.

During “blind listening” tests, the news style was perceived to be 31 percent more natural than Alexa’s standard tones; that number jumped to 84 percent for music.

The trick, according to Amazon, is a neutral text-to-speech (NTTS) technology that delivers a more natural-sounding voice. Using direct waveform modeling, scientists apply deep learning to produce speech signal.

As a result, Alexa has better enunciation and emphasizes the right words in a sentence. Depending on your request, she can even adapt her speaking style.

Listen to the robot’s varying levels of intensity—low, medium, high—in audio clips below. And try not to feel too spooked by her oddly familiar inflections.

Moving forward, developers may want to beef up their apps by having Alexa respond in a happy or excited tone when someone answers a trivial question correctly, for instance. Or allow her to sympathize with folks asking for the sports score when their favorite team has lost.

“Early customer feedback indicates that overall satisfaction with the voice experience increased by 30 percent when Alexa responded with emotions,” Gao said.

To get started with Alexa emotions, simply use the newly published SSML tags, available via the Alexa Skills Kit Blog.

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Astronomers Capture Best Look Yet at Comet 21/Borisov

A new image of the interstellar comet 2l/Borisov (left), next to a composite image of the comet with a photo of the Earth to show scale (via Pieter van Dokkum, Cheng-Han Hsieh, Shany Danieli, Gregory Laughlin/Yale University)

Interstellar comet 21/Borisov is ready for its closeup.

Four Yale astronomers captured a new, detailed image of the mysterious celestial body, first spotted this summer.

Pieter van Dokkum, Cheng-Han Hsieh, Shany Danieli, and Gregory Laughlin snapped the image on Nov. 24 using the W.M. Keck Observatory’s Low-Resolution Imaging Spectrometer in Hawaii.

They also created an illustration showing how the comet would look alongside Earth.

21/Borisov is only the second known astral object to have passed through our solar system. The first, ‘Oumuamua, was identified two years ago.

NASA’s Hubble Space Telescope last month photographed the comet at a distance of 260 million miles from Earth.

It is following a hyperbolic path around the sun, falling at an extraordinary speed of 110,000 mph, and is expected to make its closest approach—about 190 million miles—on Dec. 7.

Researchers believe the comet formed in a solar system beyond ours, and was ejected into space as the result of a near-collision with a far-off planet.

According to Yale astronomy professor van Dokkum, 21/Borisov’s tail, highlighted in the new image, is nearly 100,000 miles long—14 times the size of our home planet.

“It’s humbling to realize how small Earth is next to this visitor from another solar system,” van Dokkum said.

The solid nucleus of the comet is only about a mile wide. As it began reacting to the sun’s warming effect, 21/Borisov has taken on a “ghostly” appearance, the scientists said.

“Astronomers are taking advantage of Borisov’s visit,” according to Laughlin, “using telescopes such as Keck to obtain information about the building blocks of planets in systems other than our own.”

By mid-2020, Borisov will streak past Jupiter on its outbound journey, eventually leaving the solar system forever.

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Former Go Champ Retires From Game: AI ‘Cannot Be Defeated’

AlphaGo Zero surpassed all previous versions of the AI in 40 days (via Google DeepMind)

Former Go champion Lee Se-dol has retired from professional competition—because artificial intelligence.

The South Korean Go master gained global fame in 2016 as the only human to defeat DeepMind’s AlphaGo computer program.

Now he’s bowing out of the sport due to the “invincibility” of AI Go programs.

“With the debut of AI in Go games, I’ve realized that I’m not at the top even if I become the No. 1 through frantic efforts,” Se-dol told South Korean news agency Yonhap. “Even if I become the No. 1, there is an entity that cannot be defeated.”

AlphaGo won four of its five matches against Se-dol in March 2016. But Lee’s comeback in the fourth game remains the only time a human has bested the AI player.

The 36-year-old, who boasts 18 victories in international competitions and 32 wins in domestic events, admitted he felt frustrated after losing the first three games to a machine.

“I rarely read comments on Internet news about me. But I got curious about how badly people were speaking of me after my three straight losses to AlphaGo,” he said in an interview with Yonhap. “Unexpectedly, few people criticized me.

“Frankly, I had sensed kind of a defeat even before the start of the matches against AlphaGo,” Se-dol continued. “People from Google’s DeepMind Technologies looked very confident from the beginning.”

In a statement published by The Verge, DeepMind CEO Demis Hassabis said Se-dol demonstrated “true warrior spirit” in his matchup with AlphaGo.

“On behalf of the whole AlphaGo team at DeepMind, I’d like to congratulate Lee Se-dol for his legendary decade at the top of the game, and wish him the very best for the future,” Hassabis said. “I know Lee will be remembered as one of the greatest Go players of his generation.”

Invented in China more than 2,500 years ago and enjoyed by more than 40 million people worldwide, Go (known as “baduk” in Korea) requires players to place back or white stones on a board and capture the opponent’s pieces or surround empty spaces to build territories.

But despite its apparent simplicity, the game features more possible moves than there are atoms in the universe, making it a tough competitor for traditional “brute force” artificial intelligence methods.

Google’s DeepMind AI division, however, took on that challenge with AlphaGo. The program uses a state-of-the-art tree search with two deep neural networks—one to suggest intelligent moves, the other to evaluate each option. AlphaGo chooses what it deems the most successful maneuver.

When pitted against top artificial intelligence Go programs, Google’s software won all but one of its 500 games. Even three-time European Go champion Fan Hui was no match for the machine, which triumphed five games to zero, making the first time a computer program beat a pro Go player.

Really, how can anyone compete?

Se-dol ended his 24-year career on Nov. 19.

(To be fair, his retirement decision was also influenced by a conflict with the Korea Baduk Association, which Se-dol is suing for the return of his membership fees, Yonhap reported.)

To commemorate his retirement, Lee plans to face off against one last AI Go rival next month: HanDol, developed by South Korea’s NHN Entertainment Corp., has already defeated the country’s five top players.

“Even with a two-stone advantage, I feel like I will lose the first game to HanDol,” he said. “I wanted to play comfortably against HanDol as I have already retired, though I will do my best.”

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Twitter Won’t Shutter Inactive Accounts Until It Can Memorialize the Dead

(Photo Credit: geralt / Pixabay)

A day after confirming plans to repossess inactive accounts, Twitter announced it will delay the process out of respect for the dead.

The microblogging service has already begun emailing dormant accounts that have not been signed into for more than six months.

“As part of our commitment to serve the public conversation, we’re working to clean up inactive accounts to present more accurate, credible information people can trust across Twitter,” a spokesperson said this week.

But the Dec. 11 deadline to log in (before idle accounts are removed and thrown into a grab bag of names for Hunger Games-style selection) appears to have been suspended.

“We’ve heard your feedback about our effort to delete inactive accounts and want to respond and clarify,” Twitter Support said on Wednesday.

“This impacts accounts in the EU only, for now,” according to the company.

Well, that’s news to me.

Twitter has “always had an inactive account policy,” but hasn’t enforced it “consistently,” the support team explained. Now it’s cracking down—starting with the EU, where the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) recently went into effect.

But the process has implications beyond abandoned users: For instance, what will happen to the tweets of the dearly departed?

Unless they left a password in their will, most expired users won’t be logging in any time soon. Which means, under Twitter’s new policy, their tweets will be deleted and their username bestowed upon someone else.

“We’ve heard you on the impact that this would have on the accounts of the deceased. This was a miss on our part,” Twitter Support admitted. “We will not be removing any inactive accounts until we create a new way for people to memorialize accounts.”

There is no word yet on how the company plans to accomplish that.

“We apologize for the confusion and concerns we caused and will keep you posted,” it said.

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