Riverdale is taking next week off for Thanksgiving, so it’s celebrating the holiday early. Just like the rest of us will be overloading on protein and carbs next week, the show opens by binging on the plot. Seriously, Jughead’s narration speeds through a whole bunch of plot development. It’s clear the show just wants to get us to the Thanksgiving story it wants to tell as fast as possible, but this speed gave me whiplash. After Mr. Chipping killed himself, we learn in two lines that there was no note and there’s been no investigation. Mr. DuPont says Chipping was an alcoholic and never spoke of the plagiarism Jughead brought up. Naturally, Jughead doesn’t believe that.
Meanwhile, just two weeks after announcing his candidacy for mayor, Hiram Lodge runs unopposed and gets elected. See? Whiplash. And what’s the first thing he does upon getting that job? Well, it’s Riverdale, so the answer is carry out petty revenge on children. He has FP shut down Archie’s plan to host Thanksgiving for kids with nowhere to go. His reasoning? Dodger being found beaten and bleeding outside the community center at the end of last week’s episode makes it an active crime scene. FP officially tells Archie to close the place, but has some unofficial advice too: “Screw him.” I’m pretty sure that fanfic already exists, FP.
KJ Apa as Archie, Camila Mendes as Veronica, Eli Goree as Munroe, and Skeet Ulrich as FP Jones. (Photo Credit: Dean Buscher / The CW)
Archie holds his Thanksgiving anyway, and things look to be going well. Then Dodger’s family shows up. They’re looking for revenge, and they conspicuously lay a gun on the table as a threat. What was supposed to be a safe Thanksgiving space for homeless kids is now possibly more dangerous than if the community center had closed. It’s ironic, you see. Archie comes up with a deal. He’ll confess to the beating if they let everyone else go. They agree, but all the kids stand up and take responsibility for the beating, like in Spartacus. It’s a valiant effort, but it doesn’t work. Dodger’s family still wants to take it out on Archie. That’s when the turkey fryer explodes, distracting them long enough for Archie to punch the gun away.
Archie’s stories often have a problem of being the least interesting parts of Riverdale. That isn’t the case here. The presence of Dodger’s family and the ice storm preventing escape makes for a tense story that kept me hooked through the whole episode. The ensuing fight scene didn’t hurt, either. Not only do we get Archie and Munroe throwing punches, Veronica stabs a dude’s hand to the table with a turkey fork. That might be the coolest thing I’ve seen on this show. Archie’s mom ends the fight by grabbing the gun and chasing everyone out. The rest of the story plays out in heartwarming Thanksgiving fashion. The kids all have a peaceful meal and Archie dedicates the community center to his dad. Aww.
Skeet Ulrich as FP Jones and Madchen Amick as Alice Cooper. (Photo Credit: Dean Buscher / The CW)
It’s a weird feeling seeing Archie have one of the episode’s better stories. It’s less unusual to see the adults have one of the worst. They work best when they’re actively antagonizing their kids. It’s one of the more ridiculous aspects of the show, but it’s also what makes Riverdale so fun. Here, they don’t really do anything. Hiram, Hermione, FP, and Alice all end up at Pop’s since both couples are childless for Thanksgiving. They eat together, drink in the speakeasy together, and Hiram picks a fight with FP over being a gang leader. I’ll give the show this, FP breaking a glass bottle and threatening to cut Hiram’s throat with it is over-the-top enough to be funny. Nothing comes of it though, so we’re left with a nothing story to fill time.
Jughead and Betty’s story was promising, but it ended up kicking the can down the road. Betty stays with Jughead at Stonewall Prep to help him investigate Chipping’s death. This story shows some signs of the Riverdale of past seasons. Jughead is getting snacks from the vending machine when a guy in a rabbit mask holding an ax appears behind him. Great, I thought, the show is getting weird again. It immediately backs away from that weirdness when it’s revealed to be Bret and Donna playing a prank on him. So nothing too wild just yet, but this episode does get a conspiracy story rolling. Betty and Jughead find a fake suicide note in Bret’s room. Bret and Donna try to write it off as a writing exercise, but it’s clear they’re involved in a cover-up.
Lili Reinhart as Betty, Cole Sprouse as Jughead, and Casey Cott as Kevin (Photo Credit: Dean Buscher / The CW)
Betty distracts them with a game of Never Have I Ever, which only serves as a reminder of better moments in Riverdale. When she runs off to get more booze, she breaks into Donna’s room and finds a tie pin belonging to Mr. Chipping. When confronted about it, she claims she was having an affair with Mr. Chipping. Betty thinks that, whether that’s true or not, it’s not the full story. She suggests Jughead go tell the headmaster a cover-up is happening when school starts again. Neither of them notice the camera in Jughead’s room. So that’s how Bret is always one step ahead. When school starts up, Donna beats him to the headmaster’s office, confessing everything. Bret says that settles the matter: Chipping’s death was a suicide by a guilty man.
Their story ends there for this week. It’s not the most exciting place to leave us for two weeks. Usually you want to leave with some big cliffhanger or shocking image to keep us coming back. That’s why I’m glad Cheryl and Toni’s story is here. Yes, this couple finally gets the attention they deserve. With Cheryl’s uncle dead and Cheryl’s aunt snooping around the house, Cheryl has an idea for how to solve both problems. Taking a page from Arya Stark’s book (or Sweeney Todd’s… or Titus Andronicus’), she serves her aunt meat pie for Thanksgiving dinner. During the meal, Nana Rose tells a story of the first Blossom Thanksgiving. Where they were forced to eat each other. Cheryl suggests that her aunt and Cousin Fester (ha ha) have just eaten her uncle. Toni wheels out Jason’s corpse (which she is suddenly OK with now?) to give them a final scare.
Madelaine Petsch as Cheryl and Vanessa Morgan as Toni. (Photo Credit: Dean Buscher / The CW)
The show backs off the gruesomeness at the end. Cheryl’s uncle is actually at the bottom of the river, which has frozen over by now. The pies were actually lamb. I understand the desire to not make Cheryl a complete monster, but having a main character serve a family member to another family member is exactly the kind of ridiculousness I want from Riverdale. I was a little disappointed that the show didn’t go all the way with it, though I understand why it didn’t. In any case, this little bit of gothic horror was enough to satiate my appetite for weird Riverdale. It’ll get us through the next week, at least.
Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on The CW.
Previously on Riverdale:
- Riverdale Season 4 Episode 6 Recap
- Riverdale Season 4 Episode 5 Recap
- Riverdale Season 4 Episode 4 Recap
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