Toy Tuesday: The Best Family Guy Toys

It’s wild to think that Family Guy is in its 18th season. Seth MacFarlane’s animated sitcom didn’t seem like a sure thing during its first run on Fox, getting cancelled in the third season without even finishing up all its episodes. But fan demand brought it back, first on Adult Swim and then back on the mothership, where it’s been a solid ratings performer ever since. Although there isn’t the sheer volume of Family Guy toys that there is for, say, The Simpsons, there is certainly some good stuff out there. Here’s the best of the best.

Griffin Family Box Set

Griffin Family Box Set

If you’re going to simulate the little town of Quahog on your toy shelf, you’ll need to start with the Griffins. Instead of tracking down each family member separately, just shell out for this convenient box set that includes all five human members and Brian the dog. Each six-inch scale figure comes with a few points of articulation and an accessory, with the high quality and solid sculpt you’d expect from Mezco. They come in a window box, so if you’re the kind of degenerate who insists that their toys stay mint in package you can still display them without dropping their value.

Get it ($165) at Amazon.com

Plush Big Head Stewie

Plush Big Head Stewie

There are multiple theories as to why the Griffins’ infant son Stewie has such a negative attitude, but we think the most obvious one is likely to be correct: he’s been stuck in a useless, weak body for eighteen seasons of television without aging past 2. Sure, puberty would probably make him even more of a dick, but the little dude at least deserves the chance, you know? Until then, you can preserve him in all of his neotenic glory with this nine-inch plush version, complete with ungainly huge head.

Get it ($13) at Amazon.com

Talking Quagmire Figure

Talking Quagmire Figure

Probably the most recognizable supporting character in the Family Guy universe, Glenn Quagmire is the walking libido of Quahog, a man so horny that he’s aroused by just about everything. Following a sexual relationship with 70s starlet Cheryl Tiegs, Quagmire has been trying to find his true love for decades. If your home lacks in innuendo, pick up this action figure that emits over 10 trademark phrases with the touch of a button. Dare we say… giggity?

Get it ($30) at Amazon.com

Brian Funko Pop

Brian Funko Pop

The distinctive visual vocabulary of Funko Pops sometimes hits a snag when it has to interpret animated characters with similarly distinctive styles. It can be awkward, but there’s something that just works about their version of urbane family dog Brian from Family Guy. With his facial features distilled to their simplest expression, it occupies a strange nether zone that hearkens back to classic cartoon dogs like Snoopy while still maintaining the character’s identity. Funko’s only done a few Family Guy figures, and this is probably why.

Get it ($11.50) at Amazon.com

Greased Up Deaf Guy Figure

Greased Up Deaf Guy Figure

One of the things about having a long-lived TV show, especially an animated one, is that characters originally intended to be throwaway gags sometimes find lives of their own. For Family Guy, one astonishingly long-lived example is the Greased Up Deaf Guy, who first appeared in a cage at a toy company picnic back in Season 3 and has popped up multiple times since then. One episode even revealed his secret origin (a grease truck exploded on him). This Mezco figure captures him in his element, and even comes with a cage in case he gets too feisty.

Get it ($32) at Amazon.com

Stewie’s Sexy Party Game

One of the most unpleasant things Family Guy does is let Stewie, who is a child, lapse into a bizarre Hugh Hefner-esque ladies man persona. It’s just utterly mortifying hearing double entendres drop from the lips of somebody who just stopped nursing. However, there’s no denying that it’s funny, and that’s why we have Stewie’s Sexy Party Game. Released in 2016, this fast-paced entertainment lets you all go to the baby’s inappropriate party and, in the style of Cards Against Humanity, use cards to complete sentences as funnily as possible.

Get it ($16) at Amazon.com

Mega Construx Peter Griffin Kubros

Mega Construx Peter Griffin Kubros

Yes, we all know that LEGO is the leader in brick-based construction toys, but there are other paths to walk. Construx is Fisher-Price’s version, originally a weird rods-and-blocks hybrid until being bought by Mattel and folded into the Mega Bloks line. Their “Kubros” are equivalent to LEGO’s BrickHeadz – larger-scale depictions of pop culture characters in a slightly Funko-esque style. Here’s their take on Peter Griffin, which is both a solid likeness and also disturbingly abstract. There’s a line being crossed here, and we’re not sure we’re comfortable with it.

Get it ($7) at Amazon.com

Cleveland Interactive Collector Figure

Cleveland Interactive Collector Figure

Another supporting character who went on to bigger and better things, deli owner Cleveland Brown was introduced as the voice of reason against many of the show’s stupider schemes. After Seth MacFarlane signed a $100 million deal with Fox, his first new show took Cleveland out of the series. Unfortunately, The Cleveland Show went off the air in 2013, but he returned to Family Guy to gentle ribbing from his pals. This figure plays sound clips when paired with numerous different playsets.

Get it ($35) at Amazon.com

Plush Grim Reaper

Plush Grim Reaper

One of the most unlikely supporting characters in Quahog, the personification of mortality has become one of Family Guy‘s staples. We first met Death in the second season where Norm MacDonald provided his voice, but Adam Carolla has stepped in to do the job ever since. Unlike the cool, collected figure you’d expect, Death on the show is a nervous, inept mama’s boy who can’t score with girls due to his fatal touch. We’d like to promise that cuddling this soft 16″ plush replica will not kill you instantly, but our lawyers won’t let us.

Get it ($13) at Amazon.com

Family Guy TV Talkers

Family Guy TV Talkers

Yo, I heard you like Family Guy on your TV so I put Family Guy on your TV literally. TV Talkers are a series of toys from Excalibur Electronics that perch on top of your screen and respond to signals from your remote control to let out wisecracks in the officially licensed voices of a variety of TV characters. We vouch for the Beavis & Butt-Head one, but the Family Guy version is solid too, featuring Stewie and Brian set up for an evening of snark.

Get it at Amazon.com

Bad Girl Lois Figure

Bad Girl Lois Figure

If you frequent less savory sites on the Internet, and no judgement on you if you do, it’s kind of impossible to avoid ads for low-rent adult games that feature Lois Griffin in a variety of skimpy outfits. What it is about the Family Guy matriarch that gets people hot and bothered is a real mystery, but obviously the minds at Mezco know there’s something to it, so they put out a “Bad Girl” version of Lois as part of their seventh series. She even comes with a boom box and a cigarette to smoke.

Get it ($44) at Amazon.com



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